Grieving with Disney

Frozen 2 will always remind me of my youngest brother, Curtis. It was the last movie we watched together before he died. We saw it with my mom and my brother Trevor.

When we got to the part where Anna sings "The Next Right Thing," I was amazed that Disney created a song about what it feels to mourn the loss of a loved one. I remember thinking "this song could really help someone who is mourning" and I wanted to remember to share it with others in a similar situation. I never would have imagined it would be me mourning the person sitting a few feet away from me in a matter of weeks.

It's been 4 months since he passed. Michael wanted to watch Frozen 2 with me after the kids were in bed. Perhaps it seems odd that we watched a children's movie during our kid-free time, but that's actually what we usually do if we're not playing a game or listening to clean comedy. Also, Frozen 2 is very enjoyable to watch and incredibly beautiful, even if the plot doesn't quite make sense. Listening to and watching a character mourn the loss of a sibling pricked sharp feelings of grief in my own heart. What Anna describes is incredibly similar to the painful journey that my grief waded through. That night when I went to bed, I felt incredibly depressed and despondent. I woke up in the middle of the night and was pained with grief and sorrow. I thought I had made it through grieving for the most part. But that song triggered me unexpectedly. It made me realize I'll never truly be "done" grieving. There will always be something that reminds me of him. Every time I remember that I will never get to have another moment with him physically in this life causes me to mourn anew.

"I've seen dark before, but not like this
This is cold, this is empty, this is numb
The life I knew is over, the lights are out
Hello, darkness, I'm ready to succumb
I follow you around, I always have
But you've gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing
Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor?
But it's not you I'm rising for
Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing
I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath, this next step
This next choice is one that I can make
So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And, with it done, what comes then?
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again
Then I'll make the choice to hear that voice
And do the next right thing"