Harry Potter Mishap

This afternoon I yanked the boys away from screens like a dentist would a rotten tooth. There was screaming, it was painful, but better us in the end. We went on a walk together and stopped at the bridge under the road to throw rocks in. Quin and Ammon were brave and walked on the ledge on the inside of the fence to drop their rocks in the small puddle of murky water that was left of the creek. It felt like the sort of thing kids did on sunny afternoons 30 years ago. Now I'm sure it would be more acceptable to leave them glued to the screens, dribbles of oatmeal-like brain matter dribbling out of their ears. But I want my kids to use their bodies and time to have a physical experience here in mortality. (I don't think less of you if your kids use lots of screens. We certainly struggle to keep it under 2 hours a day but sometimes I'm pretty sure it's more like 5.) I think of my ancestors in the olden days, sending their kids out to play with the neighbor kids before the threat of fast cars, stranger danger, or neighbors reporting me to Child Protective Services.

When we got home from our walk I announced that before we returned to the screens and Minecraft we would be reading a chapter of an awesome book.
"Which awesome book?" Quin asked.
"It's called Harry Potter."
"No thanks, I'm not interested in that."
"Too bad." I retorted. "You'll thank me later."
I whipped up a batch of blueberry lemonade while Quin tried to put marbles in Ruby's mouth. Once I had all the chairs, lemonade, and kids arranged at the table outside I snapped a quick picture to commemorate this momentous occasion.

They would remember this moment for the rest of their lives. "My mom read us Harry Potter on sunny afternoons while we sipped lemonade on the patio" they would say as they recalled this glorious afternoon.
One sentence in Ammon announced that he needed to go potty. I was exhausted from the work of getting everybody outside, hydrated, and away from screens. I should have taken him inside, but instead I just told him to go pee on the rocks over there. He did, it was fine. He left his underwear and pants off, but I didn't care. I was so ready to just relax in the shade of our overgrown tree, read an amazing book, and construct a beautiful memory for my children to cherish. Ammon climbed up on the table as I continued to read. I usually would have told him to get down but I was getting tired of being interrupted every other sentence with questions like "is he getting a donut?" (Yes, that's what it JUST SAID). As I came to the part where Mr. Dursley overhears people in cloaks whispering about "the Potters," I glance up just in time to see Ammon in a squatting position pushing out a poop. On the table. A foot and a half away from my face. Do I quickly scoop him up and rush him off...? *plop.*
His reply when I said "No! That's not where poop goes" was, "sorry, momma. I'll try to do better next time." How can you be mad at that?
As I was cleaning everything and everyone up, Quin demanded that I get him a straw and more blueberries. I was so frustrated, in my hands there are poop smeared wipes and you're ordering me around like a waitress! I couldn't muster the desire to keep reading. I could hardly believe this was my life. While all of this was happening, Michael was upstairs taking a Sunday afternoon nap (which he definitely deserved after dealing with my crazy yesterday). I felt isolated and alone and a little bit doomed. This is my life and there's no improving it. I just have to power through. Who am I kidding? I don't have the energy to power through. I'm going to get swept up in the mudslide of poop and peanut butter smears.
Then Quin's sweet little voice piped up, "I'm so pleased that you made us this lemonade with blueberries." My heart melted a little. Then it completely dissolved when he added, "I'm so pleased that you take care of us." And just like that I was reminded of the importance of my job as a mother and why I do this as my main "career." It was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

Later that night I was frustrated, exhausted from a long day of church and parenting responsibilities and stimulus, and sore from taking the boys swimming and kayaking yesterday. I got really upset with Quin while we were reading scriptures. He wouldn't stop touching Ruby's neck and she was starting to develop an itchy rash right where he rakes his grimy nails across her velvet skin. He squished her into a corner of her pack and play and held her down as she started to protest. Taking care of a baby is enough work without the five year old making it harder! I snatched her out from under him and ordered Michael to stop reading and everyone to immediately go to bed. I didn't want to do my usual evening snuggle with Quin, but he started crying when he realized how upset I was and he apologized and wanted to make things better. I decided to give him a chance and try to heal the rift with a snuggle.
After talking for a bit, I told Quin that I was so happy he was a part of my family. He told me he was happy I was in his family too. And then he said "I'm so proud of you that you were got chosen to be my mom."
My goal is to savor these tender, sweet little moments as much as possible while letting the unpleasant ones roll off like water on a duck. Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm so glad I'm doing it. The kids make it worth it.

If you're a mom out there struggling, know that you're not alone. Your best is good enough. You are loved, wherever you are. We can do this together.