Learning from the Savior as my children sniffle

I hit a new all time low today when I ran out of my antidepressant this morning and couldn't find the refill I had picked up 11 days ago. The dishes and laundry are piled up as usual. Luckily 50% of it is clean dishes and laundry. All 5 of us have a cold. Not how I had hoped to spend the last week of summer before my oldest enters public school.
Wednesday my mother in law had the boys over to give me a break. That was the first time they showed symptoms. Ammon barely slept that night. I almost took him to the emergency room. He would wake up every half hour and wail inconsolably. Then he would fall back into a fitful sleep, moaning and crying out as he tossed and turned. I slept in the boys bed with Ammon while sick and miserable Quin slept in our bed with Michael. I got maybe 4 hours of sleep. The next night, Ruby's version of the cold caught up and she would only sleep while being held. I also got maybe 4 hours of sleep that night. Michael took over and helped early in the morning when my strength was completely exhausted. The days have been rough. Ammon is whining 75% of the time. On Thursday whenever he felt snot dripping out of his nose he would start screaming. Ruby wants to be held 24/7. Quin had been really sweet. He still demands a lot of attention and constantly asks for crafts, trips to the grocery store for donuts, and screen time.

Here are a few candid shots from Friday. Quin had fun taking over 400 similar photos while I was taking care of Ruby upstaris.

Friday morning a sore throat steadily increased its throbbing intensity until my throat felt like it was on ACTUAL FIRE. Now I understand why Ammon and Ruby have been whining and screaming so much. This is one of the worst colds I can remember. Waves of exhaustion swept over my overworked system as I tried to meet all of the kids needs. (Forget about my own.) I called Michael and asked him to come home early from work. I was so grateful that he was able to. I pretty much spent the rest of Friday and all of Saturday in bed. At 5 PM I remembered that I needed to find a nursery sub, a sub for playing the organ, and the stake music chairman needed my help as the ward music chairman. All three of my callings needed attention! GAH! After several phone messages, I found someone to help Michael in the nursery and someone to accompany the congregation and someone to pass around a clipboard for choir sign ups. WHEW.
9:45 PM Saturday found me holding a screaming inconsolable Ruby, no liquid pain relievers for anyone under 6 in the house. Michael went to the store to get baby ibuprophen. He is a really wonderful husband, but he has this flaw that comes out when the kids are sick: he is incapable of finding the correct pain relief medicine for them. I refuse to believe that Safeway did not have ANY children's ibuprophen, tylenol, motrin, or any other pain reliever for the under 2 crowd, but the pill section at grocery stores is an intimidating garbled mess and I totally get it. She fell asleep 5 minutes after he left and fitfully dozed in my arms and we ended up not needing it.
As I walked around with her when she was still awake, I thought of the many things that were demanding my attention right now. The dishes seemed to scream at me from their wallowing in the sink. A hamper of clean laundry spilled onto the dirty, sticky floor. Ants were having a feast on Ruby's unwashed high chair tray. My big plans for awesome piano lessons were literally gathering dust on top of the piano that I've barely touched pretty much since we got it. If I could just put you down, if you could just be happy for an hour, there's so much I need to do. I thought about the modern concept of heaven; a place where everything is perfect and you get everything you want. I don't think that's accurate. If eternity is all about family and heaven involves family, past and present, why is it so miserable here on Earth with my family. In order to get what I want I would need my kids to go away for a day. Well, that's what I think I want anyway. Then I thought of Jesus suffering and dying for us, enduring the most excruciating pain possible. He didn't get what He wanted. He asked for "this cup" to be removed from Him. I thought of the revelation he gave to Joseph Smith thousands of years after his suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross, as recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 19:16-19:

16 For behold, I, God, have ^asuffered these things for all, that they ^bmight not suffer if they would ^crepent;

17 But if they would not repent they must ^asuffer even as I;

18 Which ^asuffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might ^bnotdrink the bitter cup, and shrink—

19 Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and ^afinished my preparations unto the children of men.

It's all about family. Helping, supporting, saving, even giving up your life for your family. Life is all about family. And that's hard. It's hard to live with other people. Sometimes as a mom, I feel like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Quin sometimes treats me like Gaston; brimming to the gills with confidence as he tosses his muddy boots around, ruins my books, and barks orders about how things are going to go today and this year. While it's not okay for me to allow him to treat me like that and I try to set gentle but firm limits, I'm learning that parenting is a heavenly act. As Jesus taught, there's nothing more important that I could do with my life than sacrifice it for the benefit those I love. Maybe this is a toxic way to think of motherhood and my relationship with my children. But I think there's wisdom in losing your life in order to truly find it. I'm not saying you as a mom are not important and should not be well cared for. You are important and your job is so valuable in ways your children an society can't understand. 
I believe the real heaven is a place where everyone is helping, serving, and seeking the best for each other. Even if the other person doesn't deserve it. That's why God asks us to live that way on Earth. We're practicing heavenly living now in an imperfect world where it's extra hard to do. 

Sunday (today) I struggled with taking care of all 3 kids while Michael went to church. Everyone always needs something from me and while I'm helping one kid there's a different kids making a mess somewhere or crying. The house is a complete disaster. Normally I'm about 2 messes behind the kids as they actively destroy the house, but right now it feels hopeless to even try to tidy up. 

I'm not writing this for sympathy or pity or any reaction. I honestly just want to show my kids when they are older and when they have kids of their own that life is real, it's fun, but sometimes it isn't real fun and their mom was an imperfect human the whole time. So when Quin is about to start high school I can say "remember the week before you started kindergarten and the whole family was sick?" 
I love you kids more than you could know. You are worth every sleepless night, every mess, every puddle in the carpet. You are everything to me.